Thursday, May 10, 2007

The most useless people in the world...

... are sports writers.



Lawyers have a use. Whether it's admitted or not. Most people have uses. Even if they end up being bad, it's still a use.



Sports writers are the most annoying and useless people on the face of the planet. How many different ways can you say "they raced around in a circle for 400 laps with two cautions"? Oh, I know! Add something about the family! Or maybe something about how he started in the middle of the pack and climbed... NO, struggled in to the first spot! I'm a genius!



Predictions.



I can begrudgingly understand the stories. The entire sport section can be written a month in advance, but, ok. But the predictions. I'd understand if a sports guy said "well Chip, I think this series will be evenly matched [lopsided, whatever]" and I'd be happy. Why? He/she may be wrong, but I can respect that he/she felt that way. But when they start spouting that someone will win in X amount of games, that pisses me off. What? You have some crystal ball? It's totally arbitrary. If he gets it right he's a genius, wrong and its a guess. I think people should add "Death Rules" to predictions. If you're right, you get 20,000,000 million and a free place to stay for a year -- wrong and you die in the most painful way possible. Hell, use a ESPN poll. Guillotine? Hanging? The "Carrot?"



Sports writers are nothing more than lazy assholes that can't/couldn't get on a team in any capacity. Don't even get me started on people who just join sports departments because the fashion department didn't like your "style."



Barry Melrose and Linda Cohn, I'm talking to you.



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